2/12/25
Hello friends, welcome to episode number 182 – I Just Want To Be “Me” Again. I hear this statement a lot from my clients when they first come to me for coaching. They’ve either had a loss in their life, or a huge life change, or they’re just simply stuck and can’t move forward, and they want to get back to someone they recognize. They want their joy back.
I can so relate to this. After Brian died, I didn’t feel like myself for a very, very long time. I was once a happy, optimistic girl. I remember telling someone I was afraid I would never feel lighthearted again. The heaviness was too much. And the experience of losing my husband to suicide changed me at my very core. I’ve written much about those early days in my book, Another Beautiful Life: A Christian’s Journey to Finding Peace and Hope in Brokenness. Everything external had changed in my life, but internally I could feel a shift. Suddenly I saw life through a lens of pessimism. I questioned everything. I was afraid of everything. And I just wanted the old “me” back. So, yes, when a client says this, I totally get it.
Sometimes when we’re at the end of our coaching sessions together, a client will say to me, “I’m afraid of reverting back to the old ‘me’.”
And here’s where I want to land today. For good or for worse, you can never be the “old you,” or the “you” you think you want to be again. Because every single day, whether you’re aware of it or not, your brain is being changed and formed and shaped by each and every experience you have in your day. When you interact with someone, when you read your Bible, when you watch the news, when you get stuck in traffic, when your favorite creamer for your coffee is no longer available, when you do all the things you do in a day, new synapsis are being formed, reinforcing or creating new thoughts and patterns of behavior, and they’re being wired into your brain every single day. That’s neuroplasticity – the fact that the brain is changed every day, sometimes in slight ways and sometimes in very big ways, with every single experience you have in life. Always changing.
So, when a client says to me, “I just want to be ‘me’ again,” I literally tell them they can’t. They won’t ever be the same again. They’ve been changed. And just as my husband’s death changed me in some radical ways, it also reinforced some thoughts and behaviors that I already had. It made those neural ruts deeper. But even that is now a change. Creating deeper ruts of thought makes my brain behave differently the next time. Because those are now deep, deep ruts of thought, it may keep the brain from offering any other alternate thought or perception. That’s a change.
So, if we think about it, even the client that says, “I’m afraid of reverting back to the old ‘me,’ reverting back is not possible either. The work that we’ve done together has changed their brains’ patterns and function. Remember, every single day, new neurons are being created in your brain based on the things you experience in a day. This is just how the brain works.
Now, knowing this, it ought to encourage you to become aware of the thoughts that you’re thinking and the things that you’re saying about the experiences you’re having in your day. With this awareness, you’re able to decide if the changes that are being made to your brain are ones that you want or not. And if not, you have the power to do something about it.
Dallas Willard was a Baptist Pastor, Professor, and distinguished thought-leader of Spiritual Formation, He said, “The ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will allow our minds to dwell upon. It is in our thoughts that the first movements toward the renovation of the heart occur. Thoughts are the place where we can and must begin to change. There the light of God first begins to move upon us through the Word of Christ, and there the divine Spirit begins to direct our will to God and his way.”
“The ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will allow our minds to dwell upon.”
In many places, the Word of God talks about our mind, our thinking, and our words. We are given a command to “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth,” in Colossians 3, verse 2. We are told that we are to search for, believe in, and think about the truth in Philippians 4, verse 8. We’re told that death and life are in the power of the tongue in Proverbs 18, verse 21. Ephesians 4, verses 22 through 24 says to “be renewed in the spirit of your minds.” And Proverbs 4, verse 23 reminds us to, “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
God has created our minds for change – for Neuroplasticity. And, because He knows we’re going to need it, He instructs us to be careful about what you’re thinking, about the words you use. He’s saying, “Hey, I created your brains this way for a reason, and I intended it for your good. But there’s an enemy out there who wants to kill, steal, and destroy your joy, your life, and he’s going to use all means available and necessary to see that your brain is changed in a way that keeps you from setting your mind on things above, from thinking about the truth and speaking it out. He wants to keep you from being renewed in the spirit of your mind. But I have given you the ability to guard your heart so that your mind can always be renewed by and recalibrated to truth.”
Friend, your brain is going to be changed every single day with every experience you have. You’ll never be the old “you” again, but that can be a good thing. You have the opportunity to be a better version of yourself than you ever thought possible. And that means that every day, the “you” that shows up is better than the day before. But beware, because the opposite is true, as well. God’s given you the instructions here. So, guard your heart, friend, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and today will be the best “you” yet.
Hey, thank you for being a regular listener to my podcast. If you like these concepts, please get my book, Another Beautiful Life: A Christian’s Journey to Finding Peace and Healing in Brokenness. In it I go a lot deeper into many of the concepts we talked about today. You can get that on Amazon.
Have a wonderful week, friends. See you next Wednesday for the next episode of Another Beautiful Life.
SHOW NOTES:
Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized yourself? You are just not “you” anymore. In an effort to get back to someone you recognize, you may even say, “I just want to be ‘me’ again.”
Unfortunately, or fortunately, you will never be able to go back to an old version of “you” again. That’s because your brain is changing each and every day with every single experience you have. Every day you are different. Join me as I give you some information backed by brain science that will help you ensure that today is the best version of “you” yet.
Resources Mentioned:
Another Beautiful Life: A Christian’s Journey to Finding Peace and Healing in Brokenness by Tricia Zody https://a.co/d/hoPKsBO
For more tools, questions for reflection, and resources to help you on your journey, download the Listener's Guide for this episode: https://www.triciazody.com/guide
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