1/22/25
The past two episodes were all about taking a Life Assessment for personal wellbeing so that we can make 2025 an extraordinary year. I literally walked you through an exercise in order to score 12 different areas of your life for satisfaction or fulfillment, whatever that looks like to you. That’s what we did together the first week. And the second week, we walked through ways to increase those lower satisfaction areas and set intentions or goals to do so. That’s episode numbers 177 and 178. Today, I want to talk about what happens when you lose motivation and what you can do to overcome it.
So, what is motivation exactly? The Googles define motivation as: the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. It’s also the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. The Merriam-Webster dictionary says motivation is a noun – a thing.
In digging a little deeper to hear what those who study the brain say, what’s most interesting is that motivation is a psychological process that is influenced by biological, psychological, and social forces. A psychological process refers to the internal mental activities and processes that individuals engage in, such as thinking, feeling, perceiving, and self-identifying. So, there are internal and external forces in motivation that compels us to take action, stay persistent in our efforts, and achieve desired outcomes. One psychology article I read says motivation – this psychological process - determines why someone does something, what they prioritize, and how intensely they pursue their goals.
And when you’re feeling motivated or not feeling motivated – motivation as a feeling – you need to remember that your feelings don’t determine why you do something. Your why and what you prioritize determines your motivation. Why is that? You already know. Because it’s your thoughts that are creating your feelings. It’s the psychological process, those mental activities, your thoughts that are creating your feelings, that are then making you do certain things, or not do certain things, giving you particular results – ones that you like or don’t like, Ones that sabotage what you want or are aligned with what you want. Your thoughts are making you motivated or not motivated.
And motivation wanes, according to psychological studies, in most people somewhere in their journey to attain a goal. But a great number don’t just temporarily lose motivation. Some quit prematurely altogether.
I talked about quitter’s day on a previous episode, and I recently saw an Apple commercial - just after the first of the year – referencing quitter’s day. There’s a girl running. She’s set a goal – perhaps for distance, but definitely for pace, because her iWatch is motivating her to run faster; telling her she’s behind her goal pace. The reason most people quit prematurely is because they have unclear or unrealistic goals, they don’t have a system to measure their progress (cue the iWatch commercial), or because of internal and/or external messaging. Or, let’s clean that up. The reason most people quit prematurely is because they have not thought about why they want to set a goal, they are having thoughts that compel them to set unrealistic goals, their thoughts do not prioritize their efforts, or because of the thoughts that are coming from within (their inner critic) or thoughts about messaging from external sources, including people.
Motivation to achieve a goal requires a degree of vulnerability, and courage, confidence in yourself, and a willingness to fail. Because sustained motivation – remember, that psychological process - requires a willingness to continue to explore those internal and external messages that’s determining how we are thinking about our goals and all the little steps that get us there – and that includes the “what” and the “why” of the goal, but also the “who” of the goal. That’s you. Present and future you.
So, let me give you a few suggestions that may help you feel and stay motivated. Let’s talk about the “what,” the “why,” and the “who” of the goal.
The “what”. One of the reasons people don’t achieve their goals is because it’s unclear. I’ve talked to many people who say they have no idea what they want to do or achieve; they have no passion or direction. Oof. It pains me to hear this. For two reasons. 1) I’ve been there, and I know the confusion and emptiness it can make you feel. And 2) because I also know that it’s in there somewhere. We just have to clear some things away to uncover it. Yes, it’s in there. You’ve been created for something special and unique that’s beautifully in line with who you are, your personality, your education, and all that you’ve been through and experienced. It’s what you’ve been designed to do. The sum total of who you are leads you directly to your purpose. If you want to hear more about this and dig a little deeper, I talk about finding your purpose and finding new possibilities in my book, Another Beautiful Life: A Christian’s Journey to Finding Peace and Hope in Brokenness – Chapter 8, Moving Forward: Now What?
But, let’s look at what scripture says about this. Ephesians 2, verse10 says, “For we are His (God’s) workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” That word workmanship in the Greek is related to our English word poem. It means “made by someone”, “a work of someone’s hands.” You, being God’s workmanship, indicates that He has created you and your life as a masterful poem – full of plots and plot twists, drama, and comedy, highs, lows, details and rhythm, beautiful imagery, and structured purpose. Your life is a poem created by God. And your ability to believe that God has created you for good works – for a good purpose – is predicated on your ability to calibrate to the center, to surrender, and to reorient yourself to the things that matter.
In my book, one of the first things I talk about in Chapter 2 after saying “yes” to God’s invitation to live another beautiful life after my husband’s death was learning to surrender to God’s plan and will for my life. And that includes being able to just go where His grace takes me. But that supposes that I’ve surrendered to allowing Him to take me, not me trying to direct the flow and pace of my life. If you’ve read that portion of my book, you’ll know I’m referring to floating in a river in an inner tube…with no paddle. It’s understanding that God has specifically created you for a purpose here on earth that will positively impact His kingdom. By the way, you don’t have to be in ministry to do this. You can be an accountant, a realtor, a flower shop owner. Regardless of what you are doing, whatever the means is, it has an end – to glorify God as you enjoy Him forever.
So, how do you identify the “what” or even discover the desires of your heart? And you might ask, how do I know if the desires of my heart are self-centered or God-centered? Psalm 37, verse 4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” And Proverbs 16, verse 9, says “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
There are two safeguards here. First, delighting in God creates desires in our hearts. And as we plan our way, God directs our steps. One of the first things I would suggest to learn to delight in God so that you will know His desires for you and your life is to spend time in the presence of God – a quiet, contemplative, “sitting with God in the stillness” kind of time where you learn to enjoy Him – through reading scripture, and meditative prayer. These things bring us back to the center. Or should I say, bring God back to the center where we are able to reorient ourselves to the things that matter and get a real healthy look at our motivations and desired outcomes of our life. This is where He directs us, guides us, and shows us what it looks like to flow where His grace takes us. As we read God’s word and begin to see ourselves rightly in His story of redemption and grace, we are able to recalibrate to Christ being the center of all things, including our purpose, desires, and goals. It’s here we can see ourselves has His handiwork, transformed by His love and mercy that gives us clarity to be able to see there are good works God has prepared for us to do. And He wants us to just flow where His grace takes us - to our “what.”
Next, the “why.” When we want to achieve something or make something better in our lives, we usually have reason why. If you don’t, or if it’s not compelling enough, you are more likely to quit prematurely. Because, inevitably, there’s going to be a place where you hit a wall, or encounter an obstacle, or lose motivation, and you’re going to need something to remind yourself of why you need to keep going. Your “why”. Statistically, it’s going to be at 4-6 weeks and 3 months after you start when you hit a wall. That’s when you need to remind yourself why you started, why you need or want to be doing the thing, and why your future self will love you if you just keep going.
And the last, “who.” That’s you, and that future you – who you will become in the process and who you will be when you’ve achieved that goal. To get the results that you want it life, it’s going to take some serious effort and probably more time than you anticipated…or want. I think I’ve talked about this before in a past episode regarding my health journey. I’m on a slow burn to build muscle and burn menopausal fat. Yep, I’m there. I want the results now. Yesterday. A year ago. But to do it right, to do it in a sustainable way, with longevity, it’s a slow process. And sometimes I get discouraged and disappointed that there’s not a radical, rapid change. And I whine and complain to my trainer. But that’s part of the process, because I’m human. And I’m full of feelings. So when I said “Motivation to achieve a goal requires a degree of vulnerability, and courage, confidence in yourself, and a willingness to fail,” this is the vulnerable, courageous, and confident part. To know that I can have this experience - where I think I’m failing - and be willing to feeling the feelings of disappointment.
I was just being interviewed on the Soul Grit podcast – if you want to check that out, I believe it’s going to be out in the next two weeks – anyway, one of the things we talked about was allowing ourselves to feel disappointed. When things don’t go as we wanted them to or expected them to, it’s okay to be disappointed. Feel that. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Grieve that loss, whatever it may be, for however long it takes. Then do the next thing. That’s vulnerability and courage. And confidence comes from taking action, doing something “next”. You’re building confidence within yourself when you allow yourself to be fully present to this life. Fully present meaning, if you’re sad or disappointed or afraid, admit it, feel it, try to discover why those emotions are coming up, acknowledge that, and maybe just sit with that for a little bit. No problem. Nothing has gone wrong here. You are a human being with emotional responses to life. God has created you with the capacity to feel hundreds of different emotions at any given time. So why would we think being an emotional being would be a bad thing, or make it mean something about us? No, this is what it’s like to be human. In fact, for those of you that believe being angry is a sin, remember that scripture says to be angry, but do not sin in your anger. That’s Ephesians 4, verse 26. Some translations say, “When angry…” supposing that you are going to be angry. And it’s okay to feel this emotion. It’s your response to the emotion that matters: “Do not sin.”
Another thing that can help us in this process of becoming the person we want to be, and God wants us to be, is to expect or anticipate failure or obstacles on our journey. Your brain wants to freak out when something goes wrong or unexpected because of the fear of unknown, and maybe even past “messages” that have been running around in your head. Instead of letting this set us back or sabotage us (I’m a terrible person, I can’t do this, who am I, imposter’s syndrome), we can just anticipate the wall or obstacles. Not if, but when. And when we do get there, our nervous system is calm and our brain doesn’t freak out and we can say, “Of course. I already knew this was going to happen. Nothing has gone wrong. I’ve already planned for this to happen.” Your brain will not have so much resistance to keep going if it knows and expects that there’s an obstacle or a wall coming. It’s just like “Oh here it is, the thing we planned for. And apparently there’s no danger because we already knew it was going to happen.” “And now this is what I need to do next.” You know what you need to do to get past this lack of motivation or discouragement or whatever, because you’ve anticipated it and made a “next steps” plan. This is what keeps us from overwhelm, keeps us from believing the wall or hitting bottom is actually not about us – that we’re not good enough, who am I to try to do this/achieve this, etc – and instead a foreseeable part of the process. We don’t make it mean anything about us personally. Because listen, the minute you start making it mean something about you is the moment you will quit and never attain your goals. Because the ego can’t take the hit. Or hits. Remember, there are going to be several places in your journey to reach your goal – not just six weeks or 3 months – that you’re going to hit a wall. And that wall may look like you’re no longer motivated, or you’re discouraged, or you don’t see progress forward or growth in what you’re trying to accomplish, or even rejection from others – whatever you think is a failure. If you push yourself though the 6-week wall and the 3-month wall, you’ve just created evidence that you’re resilient, that you can climb over the wall, push over the obstacle, that nothing is going to stop you. And as you do this one day at a time, one day you’ll look up and you’ll have hit your goal.
My friend, Dr. Lee Warren says, “What you are doing, you are getting better at.” Whatever you’re doing, you’re getting better at. The first time I heard that I immediately connected that to my efforts in the gym. I know this to be true over the long run. But I also see its truth in the present moment. When I’m doing an exercise with heavy weights and it’s really challenging, like Goblet Squats with a 60-pound dumbbell, the first set is so hard. My quads protest, my form is probably not the best, my ankles feel unstable. But the second set? My body is like, “Oh yeah, we know how to do this. The third set is even better and feels easier.” And the more I’m doing this in the gym on a consistent basis, the better I’m getting each time. I promise you, I did not start with a 60 pound dumbbell. But this principle, “What you are doing, you are getting better at” applies to those times when I push snooze on my alarm in the morning. The more I do that, the better I get at being okay hitting snooze. And then one day I look up and I’ve become undisciplined in my morning quiet time, or it feels rushed, or I skip it altogether. Ugh. What ever you are doing, you’re getting better at that. This reinforcement of the activity is creating deep seeded habits and behaviors in the brain. Patterns. The brain defaults to patterns. So whatever you’re doing – whether that’s helpful or not, things that bring you closer to your goal or not – you’re just getting better at doing that thing, and you’re going to get more of the same. Good or bad. The brain doesn’t know the difference. It’s just functioning one way – reinforcing the behavior by doing it again. So, if you know your brain is doing this to keep you from climbing the wall or pushing over the obstacle, you have a choice here to make a change. Because you also realize that purposefully directing your brain to do something different than what it wants to do begins to reinforce another, better, more helpful behavior. That’s what I mean about getting your brain working for you, not against you. You’re in charge, here.
Friend, you get to direct your motivation. You’re in charge. And that future you will thank you for who you became in the process and who you will be when you’ve achieved that goal. Find the “what,” the “why,” and the “who” that you’ve been created for. And use the keys of the psychological process of motivation to direct your thoughts that align with your desires, goals, and purpose of your life.
I have something for you after each episode that’s like a little Life Coaching at home. I’ve created a Listener’s Guide that has a few prompt questions to help you work through this topic on your own. Be sure to grab that through the link in the show notes.
And also, don’t forget my book, Another Beautiful Life, goes a lot deeper into many of the concepts we talked about today. You can get it on Amazon.
Have a wonderful week, friends. See you next Wednesday for the next episode of Another Beautiful Life.
SHOW NOTES:
The past couple of weeks we’ve done a Life Assessment and set goals and intentions to improve specific areas of our life. But statistics show you may begin losing motivation soon and not reach your goal at all!
This episode dives deep into understanding motivation not just as a feeling but as a psychological process influenced by thoughts, priorities, and purpose. Discover how your thoughts, choices, and faith shape your motivation and create a life aligned with your God-given purpose.
Resources Mentioned:
Another Beautiful Life: A Christian's Journey to Finding Peace and Hope in Brokenness by Tricia Zody – Chapter 8: Moving Forward: Now What? Buy it on Amazon HERE.
Scripture References: Ephesians 2:10, Psalm 37:4, Proverbs 16:9, Ephesians 4:26.
For more tools, questions for reflection, and resources to help you on your journey, download the Listener's Guide for this episode: https://www.triciazody.com/guide
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