10/9/24
Today I want to talk about a concept that I first learned from my friend and fellow Coach, Jill Wright. Jill helps Life Coaches build successful businesses based on connections. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. Welcome to episode number 165 – Connected To…Disconnected From.
The reason this concept is important for everyone – not just Life Coaches building a business, but everyone - is because with every experience or every circumstance you’ve ever had – the stuff in your past and the things you’re experiencing now, just simply based on the way your brain functions, you have created perceptions and stories around each of those experiences.
And those stories have formed who you are today – how you think, how you act or behave, what you believe, how regulated your emotions are… or are not. We are connected to those experiences through thoughts and emotions in our brain. Psychologists call this Neuro-Association. These kinds of connections are critical to discover so we can see how they’re impacting how we’re experiencing our life right now.
For example, if happiness and fulfillment are connected to wealth and material possessions for you, then you can see how this Neuro-Association can make you miserable if your financial portfolio takes a hit, or you lose your house, or the Jones’s are getting a bigger and better house, and you are not. If your happiness and fulfillment are connected to family and relationships, then depending on those experiences, you will feel more happy and fulfilled…or not. These experiences or circumstances and the emotions are now associated in your brain. And anytime today we have an experience like that one in our past, then we'll experience that emotion and apply those same thoughts again because they are connected. The only way that we can disconnect them is to do it on purpose. We must choose to be disconnected from an old story, an old emotion, an old experience. And we do that by changing our connections. What we’re looking for – what we’re trying to uncover – is what we are connected to. What are the stories are you connected to? What things, what beliefs, are you connected to when it comes to say money, or time, or love and relationships, or weight or health?
Let me give you an example of Connected To…Disconnected From. I told you last week that in the past, I was on a couple of dating apps. By the way, I still don’t recommend it. What a mess. But there is one dating app that allows the ladies to contact the guy first if she’s interested. So, let’s pretend that I saw someone I might be interested in, and I tried to connect with him. And let’s pretend that he just totally ignored me. He totally rejected me. And instead of just shrugging my shoulders and moving on, let’s pretend that I have some past experiences that made me feel unworthy of love, that I’m not lovable, that I won’t ever be picked. And experience after experience, I began to stack these beliefs on top of one another. Creating a whole pile of evidence that this is true.
When I was in elementary school, my family would go to a camping area that had a big open-air barn with dancing at night. And none of the cute boys picked me to dance. None. So, I never got picked. That was in elementary school. And then later in high school I had a crush on a cute boy and I was going to ask him to a dance – the kinds of dance where the girls asked the boys. Well, he found out I was going to ask him and so he had asked some other girl to ask him so that he didn't have to go with me. I know this is hard to believe. Again, rejected, not picked. So, I've got these experiences throughout my life that, one story stacked upon another that says, “Yeah, you're not picked. You're never going to get picked. You're not worthy of that kind of love. You're not worthy of that kind of attention. You're not worthy. You're not lovable.” And so those are the old stories. Wait, did I say let’s pretend like this happened?
Okay, so what I want you to see is that, when it comes to the guy on the dating app not responding to me, those are the stories that I'm connected to. You see? I’m uncovering what the thoughts and the beliefs are that I'm connected to in this story that I was rejected by this man.
When we’re connected to some things – whether that be thoughts, beliefs, emotions of an experience or circumstance – we are simultaneously disconnected from something. Or some things. And we must uncover those things, too, in order to get healing.
OK what was I disconnected from? I was disconnected from my true self. I was disconnected from my worthiness, my true value, my lovability that does not come from someone else's actions towards me. Even picking me or not picking me, right? My lovability, my essence – that is my intrinsic nature based on who I am at my core, the sum and substance of me, my heart, my soul – has nothing to do with what I do or what's been done to me. It has everything to do with who I am intrinsically as a child of God. My true worth and value comes from – simply – the fact that God saw fit to create me, breathed life into my lungs, and called me His own. Simply.
So that's what I'm disconnected from. Believing these stories, believing that I was rejected, I'm disconnected from the truth. Thinking that my lovability, being worthy, being able to be picked, all that kind of stuff does not come from my Creator but comes from man. It uncovers that I'm disconnected from the truth.
So, let me tell you how to do an exercise to uncover all the things we’re connected to and disconnected from. You’re going to take a piece of paper and fold it in half. At the very top of the paper, write the thought about the circumstance or experience. For me it was, “I was rejected. I never get picked.” And then on the left side of the page you're going to write “Connected to.” And then on the right side of the page you're going to write “Disconnected from.”
On the left side of my paper, I wrote down all the old stories and thoughts that were connected to old experiences. Remember, anytime we have an experience like that one in our past, we'll experience that emotion and apply those same thoughts again because they're connected. It becomes a subconscious process. Now, on the right side of my paper, I wrote down all that I was disconnected from – the truth of who I am as a child of God, etc.
Just another quick example. Say your thought is “I will always be overweight.”
And what you’re connected to are beliefs like, “I don't like healthy foods. I can't cook. Buying pre-prepared meals are expensive. I don’t have extra money to learn how to cook.” That’s what you’re connected to. And what you may be disconnected from are things like, “being healthy is a priority for me, being consistent is a priority, doing hard things. I want to live longer.” You may be disconnected from evidence that you’ve lost weight before and lived a healthy lifestyle before. Or that you can find ways to learn to cook healthy foods on a budget.
When you’re making your list on both sides, we're talking about beliefs, thoughts, things, you know, past experiences could be anything. Whatever comes up, I don’t want you to ignore or dismiss it as nothing. If your subconscious has brought it forward, it’s important to look at. Even if you’ve worked through it in the past, if your subconscious is uncovering it, it needs to go on the list.
Now we get to look at the list and we get to decide what is it that we want to be connected to and what is it that we don't want to be connected to any longer?
What is it that we want to be disconnected from and what do not want to be disconnected from? We can be connected to some really great things, and we probably want to stay connected to those things. Same with the other list.
But for the most part, we’ll probably notice that what we really want is to just switch our list. To be connected to the things we’re disconnected from. And to disconnect from those negative, painful, hurtful things we’re connected to. Those things that are just flat out lies and the limiting beliefs that are hurting us today…in our everyday lives today. And if you want those lists to switch, you can decide to and you get to and you can. Because there are all kinds of things we can't change. But the one thing that you can change is your thoughts.
Once things are uncovered and you’ve decided you need a change, ask the Lord for that healing.
Listen, He wants to heal you by the power of his Holy Spirit. He wants you to be able to have that kind of change. He has given us free will to want to change it. And so He's asking you to want to. He's longing for you to ask Him to help you; To partner with Him in this healing.
So, you’re going to need to see what the Lord reveals to you as truth. In my first example about being rejected, the things I was connected to had everything to do with thoughts about myself – who I believed I was…or wasn’t. The second example about losing weight had everything to do with what you can or can’t do. Both of these were connected to lies and limiting beliefs. If you’re not going to find new truth, the brain will just stay stuck in that narrative. Your brain is so happy to shut down; so happy to stop thinking; so happy to stop working. But the Lord wants you to live in truth. It is the truth that will set you free. That’s John 8, verse 32. Philippians 4:8 starts out by saying, “Think upon things that are true.” John 16, verse 13 says that as a believer, you have the Spirit of Truth inside you to guide you into all truth.
Friend, truth is available for you. But it’s up to you to discover and uncover what you are connected to that’s keeping you from enjoying your life. And then partner with the Lord to disconnect those Neuro-Associations and create new ones that are helpful and rooted in truth. Find what you’re disconnected from and determine yourself to get connected to those things that are life giving. Jesus said that He came that you might live life abundantly. Do that by uncovering what you’re connected to and disconnected from in order to get connected to God and His truth.
I know this one could be difficult to work out on your own. Sometimes our brains are just so convinced what we think is true that we can’t break out of that negative, toxic thinking. If you’re interested in Life Coaching in the future, let’s get on a brief call to see if we’re a good fit. I have a wait list for next year and would love to see your name on it. The link to my calendar is in the show notes.
The free downloadable Listener’s Guide will be laid out as the exercise I described in this episode. So don’t forget to grab that through the link that’s in the show notes also.
Have a great week, friends. See you next Wednesday for the next episode of Another Beautiful Life.
SHOW NOTES:
With every circumstance and experience you’ve ever had – things in your past and in your present - you have created perceptions and stories around each of those experiences simply based on the way your brain functions.
Those stories have formed who you are today – how you think, how you act or behave, what you believe, how regulated your emotions are… or are not. We are connected to those experiences through thoughts and emotions in our brain. Psychologists call this Neuro-association. It is critical to discover what we are connected to and disconnected from so we can see how they’re impacting our life right now.
Are you wondering how Life Coaching works? Would you like a free, 30-minute session? Click this link to set up a Consult Call: https://calendly.com/triciazodylifecoach/30min
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