9/6/23
How many of you grew up hearing your parents say, “Treat others the way you want to be treated”? Or you’ve heard yourself say this to your own children. It is the Golden Rule, after all. We want people to treat us kindly, and so it’s an easy admonition.
But, how many of us truly treat others the way we want to be treated? I’m reminded of a story I told you way back in Episode number 83: Hurt people hurt people – I was driving in my neighborhood and a guy got impatient with my “speed limit” driving and roared around me in his truck showing only one of his five fingers, shouting something through his closed window. His face was red, that much I could tell. He was so angry. But why? I’m wondering, how would he have felt if I had done that to him? Of course, I wouldn’t, but do you think he gets up in the morning and thinks, “I’d really love it if someone spewed hatred at me while sticking up their middle finger for no good reason. That’d be fun.”
Or how about the person that makes fun of someone else’s appearance? Would they wanted to be treated the same way? You’d say, well these people just don’t know Jesus. They wouldn’t behave this way if they were Christians. Would it shock you to know the guy in the truck had a cross hanging from his rearview mirror? The irony of it all. But here’s the deal. I’ve done the same. No, not really the same. I don’t run around yelling at people or saying degrading things to people. My hostility is not seen. It’s on the inside.
Not long ago, I was at Hobby Lobby picking up 2 small items. I got in line behind a woman older than myself who also had a few items. When she got to the counter, she scrolled and scrolled through her phone searching for her coupon. It took a while. Then when it was time to pay, she rummaged through her purse for her money. Then took out all the coins from the bottom of her purse and counted it for the young man checking her out. Oh my goodness. This tried my patience. But listen, it wasn’t the first time. Isn’t it fun to listen to someone else’s shortcomings? Okay, let me tell you a little bit more about myself.
I can get frustrated so easily with inefficiency. My first thought was, why didn’t she look up that coupon before she got in line. Or why wasn’t she prepared to pay instead of waiting until the last minute to find her money? Such inefficiency that infringes upon the time of others. But why was that important to me? It would only be significant if I thought my time was of more value than others’. Why am I so impatient? What does it say about my belief system? My “practical” brain says I just prefer efficiency. While that might be true, there’s got to be an underlying belief that predicates this behavior. I’m afraid to “look” at it…afraid to admit what it is: that I believe my time is more valuable than others’. That I’m more important and shouldn’t be bothered by others’ lack of efficiency. I’m more important. Ugh! Again, isn’t it fun to listen to someone else’s shortcomings?
Now, the way I was feeling, that impatience rising up within me, wasn’t seen or known by others around me. But it was there, for sure! Burning in me. It saps my joy. It takes all of my peace and trades it for strife and upset. All because I believe I have “rights” and those around me ought to cater to those rights…or I’m upset.
Jesus taught the Golden Rule: ”So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them for this is the Law and the Prophets. Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matt 7: 12,13).
So, what if we really did treat others the way we want to be treated? What if that was always our litmus test for how we acted or what we said? And why don’t we? Maybe because we feel entitled. We think we can say something, regardless of who it really hurts, because we have a right to do so. You see this all the time on social media. I believe what I believe and even if you don’t, you ought to cater to those rights or I’m upset. And I’m going to let you know.
Philippians 2, verse 3 reminds us, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit…” These two, rivalry and conceit, are products of pride. A believe that someone considers themselves better than another.
I went to see the faith-based movie The Hill a few weeks ago – the true story of Rickey Hill who overcame his physical disability to play major league baseball. As we were walking out of the theater, my friend said, “You just never know what someone else is going through.” This is something we hear often, but how often do we keep that at the forefront of our minds when we’re interacting with others?
And how do we do that? The second part of Philippians 2:3 says, “…in humility consider others more important, more significant, than yourself.” So, how do we do that? In humility. Jesus said that if you’re a Christian, others will recognize you by your fruits. That’s Matthew 7 verse 20. The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Did you hear that, Tricia? Patience.
Every action that we take comes directly from what we believe and think. My actions came from what I was believing about myself and about others. So, the key is to change what I believe: that I’m more important; that my convenience, my time is more valuable than others’. If you’ve truly humbled yourself before the Lord, He will graciously point out those shortcomings that you need to change. He’ll do this because He loves you and doesn’t want you to live in such bondage to rivalry, conceit, and pride. He wants you free to love others like you’d like to be loved. Listen, I certainly wouldn’t want someone to be so impatient with me when I’m a bit older and perhaps a little slower. Grace. I would want grace. So much grace. And kindness. And not even when I’m a little older. Now! I would want extra grace and kindness now!
But you might ask, “Well, what if I do right and still get reamed for it. Or unappreciated? What if I just keep on giving and they just keep on taking?” Let me point you back to Matthew 7. “For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” There will be so many times you “do right” and you don’t get “right” back. But, if at the end of the day, you and God are proud of how you showed up in your life, in your relationships, then that’s all that matters. We need to get a new perspective. How have you done today? Are you proud? Is God proud? You’re only responsible for you and your words, your actions. That’s your agency. You cannot change anyone else. You cannot make someone respect you. You cannot make someone appreciate you and your efforts.
Friend, understanding this and taking total responsibility for yourself is living in Emotional Adulthood. This is also where we’re able to live in peace, regardless of what others are or aren’t doing. Listen, this is possible. It’s working in my life and in the lives of my clients; some of whom, every day, yes, day after day, living with hurt people who are hurting them are “doing right”. Or trying to. Every day. You can, too.
But taking responsibility for yourself is also owning up to thoughts, words, and deeds that are full of pride. Are you open to recognizing those places where your life is not bearing the fruits of the Spirit? Are you willing to look at and admit what you are truly believing and thinking that’s making you behave certain ways? Are you willing to humble yourself in order to consider others more important, more significant, than yourself? God wants to free you to be able to treat others the way you want to be treated. In love. In joy and peace, and patience; in kindness in goodness, in faithfulness, in gentleness, and in self-control. So that you can “do right.”
Okay, I’ve shared some of my dirty laundry and I’m getting it cleaned up now. Perhaps you’d like some help in this area, too. If so, I’d love to be your Life Coach and help you walk through this.
I’ve put a link in the show notes for a free 30-minute call if you’d like to talk more about it.
Also, don’t forget to get the free, downloadable guide that complements this episode to work through some of the things I’ve talked about today.
Have a wonderful week, friends. See you next Wednesday for the next episode of Another Beautiful Life.
SHOW NOTES:
Do you remember hearing, “Treat others the way you want to be treated”? That’s the Golden Rule. But how often do we actually do that? What’s keeping us from doing it?
Every action that we take, thought that we think, or word that we speak comes directly from what we believe. Today, I’m “airing my dirty laundry” and telling on myself and my shortcomings. But I’m also sharing what I was finally able to see as my belief system that seriously needed changing that allowed me to “do right” and treat others the way I wanted to be treated. Join me.
Are you wondering how Life Coaching works? Would you like a free, 30-minute session? Click this link to set up a Consult Call: https://calendly.com/triciazodylifecoach/30min
Get the free, printable guide here: www.triciazody.com/guide
Comments